Saturday, January 17, 2009

Female orgasm (for men only, sexually explicit)

If you are a woman reading this posting, and you have never reached a vaginal orgasm, I will recommend very seriously that you stop reading right now.

In this article I am going to explain in male terms how man can help a female to reach a vaginal orgasm. You see, vaginal orgasms are not only about right kind of physical stimulus, they can be more accurately described as reaching a certain mental state. To help woman reach this state, male must use a combination of mental and physical methods.

The mental method is based on some deep truths about female psyche that all women will flat-out deny, because it conflicts with some deep parts of self-image of women prevalent in our society. Arguing about this truth is not very interesting nor will it help you or anybody else. Furthermore, there is no need for woman to either know or believe these methods when man helps female to reach orgasm. The man does not need to believe anything, either. He can just try the methods explained here, and if they work, he can make his own conclusions.

Unless you have experienced a vaginal orgasm, you will very likely get offended, and refuse to believe what I am saying is true. In fact, you will build a defense mechanism against my theory. If you later encounter somebody practicing the described technique in real life, this defense mechanism will start working, and you will deny this person the opportunity to help you reach vaginal orgasm. If you think about it, you you will be the one who suffers most from this. Reading this article will probably prevent you ever from having vaginal orgasms. Do you want to take the risk?

Your best shot is to either continue your life believing vaginal orgasm do not exist, finding a partner who can make you orgasm, or pointing your partner to this article.

I have your best interests at heart, so please stop reading this posting now.
The unbelievable fact is that, at the peak of female sexual liberation, female orgasm seems to have become the biggest taboo. I am not referring to the clitoral orgasm, for which one can find information in abudance. In fact, I don't even consider clitoral orgasm a real orgasm. It is just "coming", a sexual release similar to male ejaculation.

I am talking about the vaginal orgasm, which the French have named le petit mort, small death, and which Freud named the peak of female sexual maturity.

Short Google search revealed that the party line among sexologists is still that existence of vaginal orgasm is either outright denied or downplayed. Even those who do not deny existence of vaginal orgasm, seem to confuse it with G-spot orgasm.

Confusingly, the same sexologists tout the old adage that brain is the most important sex organ. If females can easily get off with clitoral stimulus even without man, why would the brain need stimulation? The official explanation is that brain is needed for arousal, but is that really good explanation?

Fortunately, not everybody agrees with the sexologists, and recently news have surfaced about research in Europe that showed that there is correlation between women's walking style and their ability to orgasm vaginally. While I think this study based on flawed premises, it is a good start.

The undercurrent of vaginal orgasm denial, never explicitly stated, seems to be that sexual liberation means liberation from men's sexuality. As vaginal orgasm seems to require a willing male partner with a penis, so liberated women should be discouraged from aiming for it. Sometimes I wonder whether some people became sexologists just to prove to themselves that their inability to have (or induce, if they are men) vaginal orgasms is normal.

Slightly better reason for vaginal orgasm denial is based on the premise that only few women can actually orgasm vaginally. If this premise is true, women who fail to reach vaginal orgasm will feel sexually inadequate, and will develop additional sexual problems. Both the premise and reasoning are false, but the conclusion is probably correct.

I believe, based on my own experience, that almost all women could orgasm vaginally. I have personally helped several women reach their first vaginal orgasm. But the reasoning is also false: the real reason why many women never orgasm vaginally is not that the women are sexually broken. The reason is that the men cannot satisfy their women sexually.

But blaming men does not help either, because satisfying a woman is extremely difficult business, and there seems to be little information available on how to do it. But at the same time vaginal orgasm denial also keeps people from being motivated to learn about vaginal orgasm or experiment sexually, which would help people to really improve their sex life and overall happiness.

What happens when female orgasms? Of course there is the stereotypical breathing and moaning when they reach the orgasm. I have noticed that sometimes women stop breathing for a while when they start coming close to orgasm. Another signal is that they arch their back heavily. Some open their eyes completely just when they are about to come.

When looking at the physical reactions, vaginal orgasm seems to be much more overwhelming than clitoral orgasm. G-spot orgasm is somewhere in the middle. Women also report that clitoral orgasm has a distinguishing peak, but build-up and afterburn of vaginal orgasm is more like a round hill. Obviously I don't have first hand experience about this.

Brain scans reveal that large portions woman's brain stops working when they orgasm. This means that trust is very important if woman wants to be sexually fulfilled.
Professor Holstege said: "What we see is an extreme deactivation of large portions of the brain hippocampus and especially the emotional parts involved with fear... And if you are fearful, it is very hard to have sex. It's very hard to let go." He said this was useful for men to know. "When you want to make love to a woman, you must give her the feeling of being protected."
(BBC: Scan spots women faking orgasms)
What is then the difference between coming and orgasm? My thesis is that when we come (i.e. experience clitoral orgasm or male ejaculation), we "totally surrender" to our own sexual function. (Some call this sexual function the "reptilian brain", but this term is inaccurate, there is probably no common ancestor with reptile with brain.) In orgasm, however, we "totally surrender" to another human being.

This is the explanation for the old adage that brain is the most important sexual organ. It also explains why the root cause for problems of vaginal orgasms is women's liberation. You cannot at the same time be liberated, i.e. sexually independent, and surrender to somebody else, especially male, in order to reach your highest sexual fulfillment. Additionally, humans have a strong urge to resist surrendering the control to somebody else. If you want somebody else to mentally surrender, you need to overpower this resistance. Emasculated men will have very difficult time sexually overpowering women. As feminism tends to emasculate men, the number of real men able to satisfy women have decreased dramatically.

To make sure: I am not talking about physically forcing somebody to have sex against their will. That is rape, and rape is illegal. Don't do that. I am talking about very subtle mind play that will eventually make her so aroused that she has no other alternative than to totally surrender to you. But still, no doubt about it, you need to mentally overpower and dominate her. I believe that in order for woman to reach sexual satisfaction, she needs to be mentally dominated. However, domination in bed is different from domination in relationship.

There is reason to believe that in every social encounter we humans have a dominance hierarchy. I am not talking about the social hierarchy, where you can raise your status by having a good job or nice sports car. I am talking about pecking order which exists in practically all social animals. The reason for this dominance hierarchy is avoidance of conflict: if everybody accepts their place in the hierarchy, aggression can be avoided.

I will write more about this hierarchy in later postings, but for now it should suffice that we synchronize the positions in this hierarchy very quickly with subtle body language signals. Every moment in every social encounter somebody is in charge. Either it is you, or it is somebody else. It is possible that the dominance hierarchy changes during the social encounter. This is very common for example in meetings. In bed, if you want to satisfy the woman, you have to be in charge. (Very likely even before you end up in bed.)

Now, a short digression about foreplay. Foreplay is one the most misunderstood concepts in sex. Touching her vagina for a few minutes in order to make her wet before you slide in is not foreplay. Foreplay is combination of two words: fore, or before, and play. Foreplay is play before sex.

What does it mean to play? The purpose of play in young animals and children is to practice some skills, for example fighting. Many skills social animals practice are needed to archive or maintain position in dominance hierarchy. For example, you have probably seen puppies chase each other. You notice that the chase is not real, because at some point they will switch positions. Adult dogs do it, too, because humans have selected dogs which keep their childlike or neotenic features into adulthood. Dogs have developed special signals to communicate that they are not really chasing eachother, but playing.

Humans have similar play signals. You can see that often people alter their voice when they start to tell a joke etc. My thesis is that human sexual communication sometimes contains similar play signals and attitude, and this is what foreplay actually means. If you look at foreplay from this perspective, you notice that most communication with women is an opportunity for least flirting, which is one form of foreplay.

On the other hand, contrary to what all women's magazines claim, washing dishes is not foreplay. It is actually a power play where the woman uses her sexual power to emasculate you. If you do the dishes, her respect towards you will shrink. If you really want to satisfy her, you must make her so aroused with all kinds of foreplay that she will forget the reality, including the dirty dishes.

In fact, you can use the exactly same mental technique both in foreplay and later during intercourse. It is based on the simple key to women's sexuality: two steps forward, one step backward. To keep the sexual tension, you have to sometimes advance. But you can always tease by backpedaling, and it drives women wild, because it shows you are in control of yourself and her, too. For example, you may make remarks with hidden sexual meanings, and when she reciprocates, you turn her playfully down. Later you turn the knob up again. Or, when you are kissing the woman, you stop, and start talking about something else. Later, you resume kissing her.

If you do this properly, she will be dripping wet when your clothes are off. I have noticed that if you help her orgasm clitorally at this point, it will only release some of the sexual tension, and does not help her to have vaginal orgasm. She may want to caress herself. Now is your time to show that you are in control. Lock her hands, and prevent her from touching you or herself.

Do not penetrate her yet. You can now use your penis to show her who is the boss. Just continue with the "two steps forward, one step back" technique. Use the penis to stimulate her clitoris, but refuse to penetrate her. Make her beg for it. When you finally think you have played enough, put your penis just barely inside her. Now you can start thrusting, coming out completely, but going in just barely.

This has an additional benefit. The vagina shrinks in order to accomodate different size penises. If you wait until you penetrate her, her vagina will be tighter, and you both will feel better, even if you are normal size. Anyway, you just keep continuing with the "two steps forward, one step back" method until she reaches the vaginal orgasm.

When you feel like advancing, you go only very slightly deeper, and then thrust there for a while. Sometimes you need to back up to more shallow level, and thrust there. You can think of it as a game, where your goal is to make her orgasm with your penis as little in her as possible. If you do this correctly, she will soon be probably begging you to go in deeper, and perhaps try to force her body closer to you. Do not give her what she wants if you want to make her orgasm vaginally.

Do not believe based on this post that giving her the orgasm is simple. Knowledge is only the first, small, but quite necessary step. You need to practice, practice, practice. You will probably not be able to bring her to orgasm on the first time you try this.

Remember, she will not reach orgasm because of the method, but by surrendering to you totally. It may be very difficult for her to learn how to do that, and she may also need some practice. She may even have emotional hangups that prevent her from enjoying the experience. You will see the benefits immediately, however. Her increased sexual pleasure will be noticeable whether she reaches the orgasm or not.

Happy fucking. Please leave a comment if this posting helped you.

28 comments:

  1. Sup Jack. Good post. I have yet to meet an anorgasmic woman. Dominance and a little skill seems to do the trick even where they think they can't orgasm. Each woman is a little different so reading and modifying technique on the fly is a critical skill. I personally like to make them squirt. I find with a little decent foreplay they will come readily and frequently without additional stimulation beyond penile stimulation. I do believe that social dominance and how you handle the time leading up to a physical encounter are usually the most critical to a successful outcome. If you have the right demeanor with her she'll be most of the way there before the panties even drop. Of course Alpha dominance is requisite for this. It is truly the best aphrodisiac.

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  2. As feminism tends to emasculate men, the number of real men able to satisfy women have decreased dramatically.
    ---
    that sums it all up...and why so many people are so damn unhappy.

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  3. Just another diversion.(yawn)
    Your underlying message is,a woman can only attain a true and satisfying orgasm if it is vaginal.
    Well, I have news for you.. I have had both..
    I never had multiple orgasms until I married my husband. 8-10 ECSTASY.. clitorlally based.

    Vaginal orgasms are not in the same ball park for me.

    Who are you, to tell women what is
    more satisfying, for them!

    Stick to what you know... Preach to men about male orgasms.


    Could you imagine the furore if women pontificated about the male orgasm?

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  4. And, another thing. As far as sexual pleasure for women goes..

    The clitoris provides it's owner with sexual pleasure and it is the organ's only known function, the clitoris is the only organ in either sex with pleasure as its sole function. It has nothing to do with getting pregnant, with menstruation, or with urination.
    The vagina on the the other hand has one sole purpose.. Procreation..

    "Remember, she will not reach orgasm because of the method, but by surrendering to you totally. It may be very difficult for her to learn how to do that, and she may also need some practice. She may even have emotional hangups that prevent her from enjoying the experience. You will see the benefits immediately, however. Her increased sexual pleasure will be noticeable whether she reaches the orgasm or not."

    Biggest load of codswallop that I have ever encountered!!! Sheesh.! Ge yourself acquainted with female anatomy and stop the fanciful romancing will ya?

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  5. ehhhh, from my perspective you're right about some things and wrong about others.

    I have orgasmed "vaginally", without clitoral stimulation, and "clitorally" and I'm here to tell you that an orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm - they all feel relatively the same, EXCEPT, that what you're doing while the girl is orgasming makes them feel different, as I'm sure orgasming in a girl's mouth feels different from orgasming in her vagina. This is probably why people think there's a fundamental difference between the two (you say three), even though there really isn't. In fact even in "vaginal orgasms" you are stimulating the girl's clitoris indirectly because thrusting pulls on her labia, even if ever so slightly, even if you don't mean to. Anyway, my main point is that to make a distinction between clitoral and vaginal orgasms is kindof a load of crap.

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  6. But here's what I do agree with, the idea that foreplay starts way before you even enter the bedroom. Also, that turn the heat up and stop thing works wonders. Confuse girls - it makes them horny. :P Oh and also being very dominant and in control is great and very effective AS LONG AS you either already know what gets her off or ask her what feels good and allow her to show you until you figure it out. Otherwise, being in control and doing all the wrong stuff, ugh! it can be absolutely MADDENING and frustrating to the girl and not in a fun way. In my own experience though, I do agree that surrendering control helps me orgasm easier.

    Oh and one other thing: yeah, I hate when sexologists downplay the importance of penises/penetration it's COMPLETE bullshit. Personally I have a really difficult time orgasming without penetration. That myth, along with the myth that size doesn't matter because I only have nerve endings in the first third of my vagina (HAH!), need to die. Not that I'm a size queen, but I don't think lies should be propagated for the sake of everyone's self-esteem.

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  7. Ok, smart guy, can you explain why I had vaginal orgasms regularly with my classical nerdy, definitely NOT alpha boyfriend? Could it be that he had a big dick? And was always -no kidding -always hard? And I was comfortable with him precisely because he was non-dominant, non-aggressive, gentle, caring, that"nice guy" whom I consider the ultimate winner? Generally, I can't have an orgasm of any kind with alpha (or worse yet, alpha wannabee!) males. I don't trust them. I like someone I can be myself with - and I tend to be dominant. So much for your theories of female sexuality. Try talking to women about their sexual needs...instead of your horny male buddies as you collectively drool over some unattainable little skank (" If only I was an alpha, I could so be banging that...", etc...) When you stop listening to the other horndogs, stop worshipping the so-called alphas ( it's a little homoerotic, frankly), and stop seeing women as The Enemy, you'll attract others without trying. You'll be your own man, not some cheesy imitation A.

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  8. Thanks for your comment, TigerlilyA2Z. I am so sorry you did not heed the warning, and have had to suffer the consequence predicted in the warning.

    I am always ready to hear contradicting evidence. But I do not put too much weight on anedcotal evidence. Especially coming from somebody who spouts defensive derogatory comments.

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  9. Much of this is true... A vaginal orgasm RESULTS in a complete surrender to the other person, and is much more emotionally satisfying than a clitoral orgasm bc of this -- which is probably why I don't masturbate much. Because I tend to like strong, confident (alpha) men anyway, and have never really been turned on by less confident men/betas enough to 'surrender' to them in that way, so I couldn't give contradictory evidence... BUT!!
    It also doesn't mean that every Alpha knows what he's doing or is UNSELFISH enough to accomplish this feat. So good job "sharing" with the others : )

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  10. The technique you described is *exactly* the *only* technique that has ever come close to giving me a vaginal orgasm. Unfortunately, men get so aroused after a few minutes of shallowly thrusting that they thrust completely inside, which then stops my orgasm from happening.

    Now I know that if they only continued it I could have a vaginal orgasm for the first time in my life! I wish that ALL men knew this.

    And by the way, TigerlilyA2Z, you said that you completely trust your boyfriend, and Jack quoted a scientist saying that trust is essential for vaginal orgasm, as the hippocamus stops working momentarily.

    I understand what Jack is saying about a woman losing respect for a man for washing her dishes.. it is true *only* if the man hasnt already strongly attracted her.. I have had many "nice" guys wash my dishes and help me around the house to try and impress me and sleep with me, but it turned me off every single time.

    The only way it will turn me on is when I already desire to be with him,(and usually there was the 'play' between us where he was unavailable at first, therefore creating more desire on my part for him.. and THEN he washes the dishes. Then I feel like I scored a real man who is also sensitive, rather than a weak emasculated man who is willing to do anything for me before we are even dating. That kills the desire immediately. And by the way, I am also a strong, dominating woman.. I love nerdy, intelligent men as well, but there has to be an element of mystery and intrigue in the beginning at first, otherwise he will be just like every other 'nice' guy who I find boring..

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  11. I am a woman and I also think that vaginal orgasm is all to do with surrendering to someone . However, men can dominate women whatever way they want, they will not make a woman reach a vaginal orgasm because this only depends on whether or not the woman allows herself to surrender. So it is all to do with that woman's sexual desire around male domination. Men are not directly if at all responsible for women's pleasure, it's well beyond their control and power. It's all to do with how a woman's brain has capacity to be hard wired to her sexual power. Vaginal orgasm is not initiated by male domination, that would only lead to abuse and the ongoing alienation of female sexual power that we know. what initiates orgasm is the ability for a woman to surrender and this is a woman's affair and not really a male one. I don't care who I have in front of me, so called 'emasculated', or so called 'real man', these categories mean nothing to me anyway, a male is a male, and if I desire that male, then yes, I want to surrender to him. No desire, no surrender, no matter the male and its methods.

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  12. Your "two step forward one step back" is only one variation of a broad amatory spectrum known to mankind since thousands of years. Western culture has lost its connection to the body. But the indian Kamasutra (e.g.) speaks about it in detail and its really out there for everybody.
    Your search is interesting as it explores possibilities most people don't want to talk about. Still it also seems to be a search to justify yourself as male and circumnavigate the real issue, which is gender based violence. You think you have found the real reason why men are dominant. I think you are on the verge of understanding something very important about human sexuality, but you are not there yet. Maybe your conflicting thoughts on what it means to be a man compelled you to think about it, I respect that. Keep on going. Eventually you'll get there.

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  13. Thomas thanks for your comment. If you look at the date of this post, it is three years old. Many things have happened since I wrote it.

    I agree with part of what you are saying. This was only one thread of search for me, and I was -- and still am -- on a path to something.

    If you have other suggestions than Kama Sutra, I would be interested to hear about them.

    However, this part of your comment does not seem as convincing:

    Still it also seems to be a search to justify yourself as male and circumnavigate the real issue, which is gender based violence.

    To me, violence seems to be a reaction to lack of power we believe we deserve. Person who can maintain the power without violence, does not feel the need for it. In here I am documenting a method which can be used to maintain necessary power, sexually, which in turn keeps the relationship healthy. Thus, if this method would be known generally, there would be less, not more, gender based violence.

    Can you state more specifically, what about gender based violence you think that I am circumnavigating.

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  14. I think you are trying to find a justification, maybe based on evolutionary psychology, to why males are dominant towards women (or what ever being they feel is controllable). You are possible jumping from domination caused by gender socialization to genetic reasons caused by evolution.
    You use the term surrender as an important part of the female psychic process to achieve vaginal orgasm. As if women have to become passive subjects to their own lust to fully enjoy themselves and to justify themselves as complete females.
    I think you want to find an answer to what many men today ask: What is it that makes me a man? It is not easy to be a male these days as you pointed out refering to the emasculating by women.
    But I'm monopolizing the thread here, is there a search for identity in you as male? And if not, what is a male in you opinion?

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  15. Ah, I did not realize that you are a woman. Forget what I said.

    You should not be reading this thread anyway, and I feel sorry for you that you did.

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  16. Well, having spoken with Tomas, I can vouch for the fact that his is, in fact, male.

    Regarding the rest of your post, you need to read up on your Michel Foucault. You're an arrogant anachronism.

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  17. I've had vaginal orgasms but not with a man, I had them alone with a toy while watching Battlestar Galatica. I just wanted to let you know that so you wouldn't worry. It's all good! I have no idea if your method works for normal women, I have high functioning autism. So two steps forward, one step back would be too inconsistent for me. Taking your example of a man making a sexual remark, then playfully declining. I've had that happen with my best friend. The result was I started chatting up a friend of his and then I found out, oops he did like me that way after all even though he turned me down. Now what do I do with his friend? Turns out they both decided to share me, which was nice but it doesn't always work out that way. For me I need consistent attention. Otherwise I'll just wander off and do something else. That happened with a guy I was supposed to go on a date with. He was very, very dominant. When he was writing me I wanted him, but then he stopped writing for a week and by then I was so into the show Dr. Who and had lost interest completely. We haven't spoken since. Mostly because I blocked him everywhere. It was a whole week though, I had moved on! So I guess, make sure your woman is normal if you do the above and has a really good attention span. Also, washing dishes just has to happen. It's not about feminism or anything like that. It's about not getting ants. Because leaving skanky dishes around, that is how you get ants!

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  18. Delirium Tree: Thanks for your comment.

    I don't have sufficient experience with women higher up on autistic spectrum to comment on what you are saying. And I don't write on things just based on only theory, but on personal experience.But in general, what you write seems to be aligned what I have read about autism. Your behavior is closer to men, i.e. you are "less connected with your feelings". (Men are of course also connected to their feelings, but they express them in manner which the culture does not appreciate, hence the saying.)
    It is good idea to take any general method, such as the one described here, with a grain of salt. You need to see what the limitations are. And that is difficult, as people are di
    fferent, and you don't know what to expect when trying out a new method.

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  19. Well, I am bisexual and have been with my current female partner for four years. I absolutely love dominance and masculinity in males and females, and I agree that trust and turning on a woman's mind (I call it a mind fuck) are absolutely essential. I need a strong partner I, myself, am very strong and dominating. I think your method makes sense. Men are generally turned on by women who understand and use their sexual prowess. Why wouldn't women be turned on by the same thing? I thought it was a good article. However, I don't believe that feminism can emasculate men. Feminism is about females recognizing their own power and it isn't necessary to take power from someone else in order to have your own.

    Good article. I bookmarked it and I'm going to show it to my girlfriend who makes me cum every time and the more forceful and strong she is, the more I like it. She's got swag and I dig it.

    Thanks for sharing.

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  20. Thanks for your comment, Elizabeth.

    My remark about feminism is not ideological, but pragmatic. If you strip the rhetoric away from feminism, what is left may described as "will to power". It is a natural law that a force attracts counter-force of equal strength. Feminism is a counter-force that was attracted by the force of female oppression.

    It is another natural law, that this counter-force gains momentum, and at some point becomes a force by itself, which again attracts an opposite counter-force, in this case men's rights movement.

    At some point all reform movements reach their original purpose, but they overshoot, and start exerting their power to gain benefits that are beyond what is reasonable. All this is natural and probably unavoidable. I am not claiming that it should be this way, I am just describing how I see the reality.

    You will disagree, which is also natural. It is yet another natural law that we humans always see ourselves as neutral and fair. The ego distorts the reality so that we are able to see ourselves this way.

    I am stating my view here, not to convince you, but when later you are in the receiving end of the next reformist movement, you might stop and see the truth in my words, and learn something.

    I am not going to argue about this, though. This is not a political blog. You can disagree and let's leave it at that.

    In any case, this article is written for a certain audience and for a certain purpose. To learn, it is necessary to go through certain experiences. If you have gone through them yourself, it is trivial to see whether somebody else has experienced them. You are fooling yourself, if you believe you can skip the experiences and still understand something.

    To make the previous paragraph more concrete, let's say that there is certain body of knowledge. There is politically correct "common knowledge" about the subject. We call that the zero-level knowledge. And there is first approximation of the truth, something that is politically incorrect, but when combined with the zero-level knowledge, gets you closer to the truth. And then there is yet another level of knowledge, level two, which combined with the previous levels again takes you closer to the truth.

    The funny thing is that the level zero knowledge and level two knowledge are closer to each other than to level one knowledge. So somebody may take level two knowledge, understand it too literally, and become very proud of themselves that their understanding is so deep.

    The information presented in this article is level one knowledge. It is true only in the context of the public zero-level knowledge. There are deeper truths about sexuality and feminism, but unless somebody agrees without reservations with the information presented here, they cannot really understand the deeper truths.

    Such is the situation with some of the commenters above.

    What I am claiming is that heterosexual women are happier when they have not suppressed their female side, and heterosexual men are happier when they have not suppressed their male side. And happier people have happier, better balanced relationships, and sex life.

    I was in a long marriage-like relationship with a woman with narcissistic personality disorder. She clearly became the man in our relationship, and still claimed victimhood based on feministic tenets. And I see many friends of mine end in a similar situation. So my remark is purely pragmatic, and based on my personal experiences.

    I don't have enough experiences about lesbian relationships to say anything about them. To be honest, I take comments from lesbians with grain of salt, as it is be very difficult to be sufficiently emotionally detached to see your victim group really like an outsider.

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  21. I am glad this discussion is happening...I am female and have always had control over my own vaginal orgasm. However, the trick I use is to put my mind in the 'surrendered' state you describe here is to conjure up mental fantasy involving a tease and fore play something like what you describe. Some boyfriends have been semi capable of this, and the methods you described here are very close to what they have used when they have been most successful... I have always found this aspect of my sexuality to be a rather fascinating, which is why I found you blog... I agree with Deliruim Tree about this dishes, though ... it's important also to note that winning a woman's heart will require somewhat different methods then eliciting a vaginal pleasure response... And love *does* involve sharing dishes, keeping homes clean and tidy, and general care for one another including financial care... and these things are totally non-gendered ... actually despite the fact that I agree with you about female orgasm, I'm not sure why you brought up feminism and chore sharing, these are highly unrelated issues in my opinion.

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  22. Thanks for your comment, Moksha.

    What I describe is one kind of power play.

    Some women use feminism as a power play to get more control in their relationships. This works with so called nice guys. I am not going to go into details, but I see it all the time even among my close friends. It is not only really about "housework" or "feminism".

    It is just that in our society housework has a strong symbolic element, which is why people get so worked up about it. For most people, it immediately brings up all the history about women having to stay at home etc. That is why a woman who wants control in their relationship starts to bargain about specifically housework, using the basic power that they have over most men, their sexuality.

    It is done quite discreetly, in a way you just describe. The woman sincerely believes that whether house is clean or not has an affect on her sexual pleasure. And then she describes this belief to her partner, in the beginning as a semi-hidden threat: clean up, or else no sex -- because I don't feel like having it.

    And it is this hidden power-play of feminism where an average woman gains inch by inch control of her Mr. Nice Guy beta provider is the reason why there is no longer satisfaction in bed women and men. It is the emasculation of the average man.

    When there is no longer satisfaction in bed, woman who has experienced satisfaction before in her life will feel that the couple is "growing apart", and she needs to "seek herself". No amount of "emotional connection" is going to save the relationship when there is no physical satisfaction.

    Of course there is also a certain element of truth in what you say about cleanliness and security. But the fact that this housework has so strong symbolic value means that it makes absolutely no use to talk about it. Somebody who is in abusive "feministic" relationship needs to understand that basically opposite of what he is doing is true. Because of the symbolic value, not doing housework can actually be used to gain power in the relationship.

    What I am describing here is not about emotions. For them men have to go to other sources. And they will, once the fundamentals of satisfaction are in place. This blog post is about physical pleasure.

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  23. Great info Jack! There are a few female orgasms that I would like to share.

    Female orgasms such as clitoral orgasm, G spot orgasm and A spot orgasm can be stimulate orally or with your fingers.

    Some of you might not know that the clitoris is the most sensitive area of the female body, it is most nerve rich. If you want to reach some level of sexual arousal, no doubt you need to stimulate the clitoris to receive pleasure and transfer it throughout the body.

    I think we require different kind of stimulating skills to help female achieve different types of female orgasms! =D


    Tuck,
    http://www.orgasmtechnique.com/female-orgasms/

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  24. Wow Im in love with you. Your blog turned me on a bit and gives me hope. Ive never had a vaginal orgasm. I cant even come clitorally with a guy. I think I definitely have "emotional hang ups" and all that good stuff but I enjoy sex a lot (who doesnt lol) and have always felt pathetic for not being able come during sex. Recently I was able to get myself to orgasm clitorally in front of a man and I think it had to do with the fact that he had whispered "come for me" while we were at it. Anyways... Im too curious to have taken your warning seriously but enjoyed your blog a lot. I hope one day that undoing all the emotional stuff in combination with the right guy will land me with a body shivering, mind disabling orgasm. Wish me luck!

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  25. Thanks for the comment.

    I hope you find a guy who knows what he is doing.

    And even if you find an otherwise right guy, perhaps you should point him towards this blog.

    Additional "trick" that you might find helpful is to try to surrender during sex. It may help if you try releasing your neck and keeping it as relaxed as posible, like little kittens do when their mother carries them.

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  26. I agree with you totally Moksha, but rather than fascinating I find it fucking frustrating! Which is why I read this post LOL. How do you know when a woman comes? Because you can feel her pussy spasming around your cock! Tbh I'm 32 I've been with a fair few guys and I've orgasmed on a guy 3 times in my entire life. I am a very sexual person and it pretty much is all I think about! That said I actually fake it because I just know it ain't gonna happen and I feel bad because they try so hard :(. Dominance (in the bedroom) um YES thank you Jack Lover, I would certainly let you try lol! Getting her dripping wet (and yes in a literal sense) before you even get her clothes off YES! Teasing her with your penis, FUCK YES!

    As for the dishes ..... seriously? I've never harped at any of my boyfriends to do these things I just get up and cook and wash up. If he happens to grab a tea towel and help that makes me think he's awesome. If he then smacks my arse and tells me how much he loves that arse that makes me feel horny, lifts me up on the nice clean bench and slides his hands up the inside of my thighs while he's kissing and gently biting at my neck and REFUSES to let it go further....oh yes! A slob who couldn't give a fuck how long I have to slave away while he finishes his beer not so much. But yes Jack you're definitely on the right track there.

    P.S I did not find this article offensive, I went and had some fun for one :D LMAO!

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  27. Such a lot of bullshit!
    Vaginal orgasms were invented by Freud, with zero scientific ground for his claims (as most of his theories). Just because some women (a small minority, by the way) are able to reach orgasm through penetration alone, doesn't mean that there's a different type of orgasm. Anatomical research has shown that the clitoris is truly the "female penis", much bigger than what was thought at first, and its nerves extend along the vaginal wall. So those "vaginal/g-spot orgasms" are likely caused by indirect stimulation of the clitoris, and nothing more, just as some men can achieve prostate orgasms through stimulation of the perineum.
    Look, I'm a woman and I've experienced orgasms through both methods, and nothing makes me think they're different. It's the same thing, a clitoral orgasm achieved by different means, somehow weaker and more relaxing. Nothing more.
    So don't pretend that you've discovered anyhthing new here: this is just a regurgitation of the most common myths and misconceptions around female sexuality and anatomy.
    Unsurprisingly, you're also a man, which means that you don't really have a fuc**** idea of what you're talking about. Funny that it's always men who pretend to know better...

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