If you are a woman reading this posting, and you have never reached a vaginal orgasm, I will recommend very seriously that you stop reading right now.The unbelievable fact is that, at the peak of female sexual liberation, female orgasm seems to have become the biggest taboo. I am not referring to the clitoral orgasm, for which one can find information in abudance. In fact, I don't even consider clitoral orgasm a real orgasm. It is just "coming", a sexual release similar to male ejaculation.
In this article I am going to explain in male terms how man can help a female to reach a vaginal orgasm. You see, vaginal orgasms are not only about right kind of physical stimulus, they can be more accurately described as reaching a certain mental state. To help woman reach this state, male must use a combination of mental and physical methods.
The mental method is based on some deep truths about female psyche that all women will flat-out deny, because it conflicts with some deep parts of self-image of women prevalent in our society. Arguing about this truth is not very interesting nor will it help you or anybody else. Furthermore, there is no need for woman to either know or believe these methods when man helps female to reach orgasm. The man does not need to believe anything, either. He can just try the methods explained here, and if they work, he can make his own conclusions.
Unless you have experienced a vaginal orgasm, you will very likely get offended, and refuse to believe what I am saying is true. In fact, you will build a defense mechanism against my theory. If you later encounter somebody practicing the described technique in real life, this defense mechanism will start working, and you will deny this person the opportunity to help you reach vaginal orgasm. If you think about it, you you will be the one who suffers most from this. Reading this article will probably prevent you ever from having vaginal orgasms. Do you want to take the risk?
Your best shot is to either continue your life believing vaginal orgasm do not exist, finding a partner who can make you orgasm, or pointing your partner to this article.
I have your best interests at heart, so please stop reading this posting now.
I am talking about the vaginal orgasm, which the French have named le petit mort, small death, and which Freud named the peak of female sexual maturity.
Short Google search revealed that the party line among sexologists is still that existence of vaginal orgasm is either outright denied or downplayed. Even those who do not deny existence of vaginal orgasm, seem to confuse it with G-spot orgasm.
Confusingly, the same sexologists tout the old adage that brain is the most important sex organ. If females can easily get off with clitoral stimulus even without man, why would the brain need stimulation? The official explanation is that brain is needed for arousal, but is that really good explanation?
Fortunately, not everybody agrees with the sexologists, and recently news have surfaced about research in Europe that showed that there is correlation between women's walking style and their ability to orgasm vaginally. While I think this study based on flawed premises, it is a good start.
The undercurrent of vaginal orgasm denial, never explicitly stated, seems to be that sexual liberation means liberation from men's sexuality. As vaginal orgasm seems to require a willing male partner with a penis, so liberated women should be discouraged from aiming for it. Sometimes I wonder whether some people became sexologists just to prove to themselves that their inability to have (or induce, if they are men) vaginal orgasms is normal.
Slightly better reason for vaginal orgasm denial is based on the premise that only few women can actually orgasm vaginally. If this premise is true, women who fail to reach vaginal orgasm will feel sexually inadequate, and will develop additional sexual problems. Both the premise and reasoning are false, but the conclusion is probably correct.
I believe, based on my own experience, that almost all women could orgasm vaginally. I have personally helped several women reach their first vaginal orgasm. But the reasoning is also false: the real reason why many women never orgasm vaginally is not that the women are sexually broken. The reason is that the men cannot satisfy their women sexually.
But blaming men does not help either, because satisfying a woman is extremely difficult business, and there seems to be little information available on how to do it. But at the same time vaginal orgasm denial also keeps people from being motivated to learn about vaginal orgasm or experiment sexually, which would help people to really improve their sex life and overall happiness.
What happens when female orgasms? Of course there is the stereotypical breathing and moaning when they reach the orgasm. I have noticed that sometimes women stop breathing for a while when they start coming close to orgasm. Another signal is that they arch their back heavily. Some open their eyes completely just when they are about to come.
When looking at the physical reactions, vaginal orgasm seems to be much more overwhelming than clitoral orgasm. G-spot orgasm is somewhere in the middle. Women also report that clitoral orgasm has a distinguishing peak, but build-up and afterburn of vaginal orgasm is more like a round hill. Obviously I don't have first hand experience about this.
Brain scans reveal that large portions woman's brain stops working when they orgasm. This means that trust is very important if woman wants to be sexually fulfilled.
Professor Holstege said: "What we see is an extreme deactivation of large portions of the brain hippocampus and especially the emotional parts involved with fear... And if you are fearful, it is very hard to have sex. It's very hard to let go." He said this was useful for men to know. "When you want to make love to a woman, you must give her the feeling of being protected."What is then the difference between coming and orgasm? My thesis is that when we come (i.e. experience clitoral orgasm or male ejaculation), we "totally surrender" to our own sexual function. (Some call this sexual function the "reptilian brain", but this term is inaccurate, there is probably no common ancestor with reptile with brain.) In orgasm, however, we "totally surrender" to another human being.
(BBC: Scan spots women faking orgasms)
This is the explanation for the old adage that brain is the most important sexual organ. It also explains why the root cause for problems of vaginal orgasms is women's liberation. You cannot at the same time be liberated, i.e. sexually independent, and surrender to somebody else, especially male, in order to reach your highest sexual fulfillment. Additionally, humans have a strong urge to resist surrendering the control to somebody else. If you want somebody else to mentally surrender, you need to overpower this resistance. Emasculated men will have very difficult time sexually overpowering women. As feminism tends to emasculate men, the number of real men able to satisfy women have decreased dramatically.
To make sure: I am not talking about physically forcing somebody to have sex against their will. That is rape, and rape is illegal. Don't do that. I am talking about very subtle mind play that will eventually make her so aroused that she has no other alternative than to totally surrender to you. But still, no doubt about it, you need to mentally overpower and dominate her. I believe that in order for woman to reach sexual satisfaction, she needs to be mentally dominated. However, domination in bed is different from domination in relationship.
There is reason to believe that in every social encounter we humans have a dominance hierarchy. I am not talking about the social hierarchy, where you can raise your status by having a good job or nice sports car. I am talking about pecking order which exists in practically all social animals. The reason for this dominance hierarchy is avoidance of conflict: if everybody accepts their place in the hierarchy, aggression can be avoided.
I will write more about this hierarchy in later postings, but for now it should suffice that we synchronize the positions in this hierarchy very quickly with subtle body language signals. Every moment in every social encounter somebody is in charge. Either it is you, or it is somebody else. It is possible that the dominance hierarchy changes during the social encounter. This is very common for example in meetings. In bed, if you want to satisfy the woman, you have to be in charge. (Very likely even before you end up in bed.)
Now, a short digression about foreplay. Foreplay is one the most misunderstood concepts in sex. Touching her vagina for a few minutes in order to make her wet before you slide in is not foreplay. Foreplay is combination of two words: fore, or before, and play. Foreplay is play before sex.
What does it mean to play? The purpose of play in young animals and children is to practice some skills, for example fighting. Many skills social animals practice are needed to archive or maintain position in dominance hierarchy. For example, you have probably seen puppies chase each other. You notice that the chase is not real, because at some point they will switch positions. Adult dogs do it, too, because humans have selected dogs which keep their childlike or neotenic features into adulthood. Dogs have developed special signals to communicate that they are not really chasing eachother, but playing.
Humans have similar play signals. You can see that often people alter their voice when they start to tell a joke etc. My thesis is that human sexual communication sometimes contains similar play signals and attitude, and this is what foreplay actually means. If you look at foreplay from this perspective, you notice that most communication with women is an opportunity for least flirting, which is one form of foreplay.
On the other hand, contrary to what all women's magazines claim, washing dishes is not foreplay. It is actually a power play where the woman uses her sexual power to emasculate you. If you do the dishes, her respect towards you will shrink. If you really want to satisfy her, you must make her so aroused with all kinds of foreplay that she will forget the reality, including the dirty dishes.
In fact, you can use the exactly same mental technique both in foreplay and later during intercourse. It is based on the simple key to women's sexuality: two steps forward, one step backward. To keep the sexual tension, you have to sometimes advance. But you can always tease by backpedaling, and it drives women wild, because it shows you are in control of yourself and her, too. For example, you may make remarks with hidden sexual meanings, and when she reciprocates, you turn her playfully down. Later you turn the knob up again. Or, when you are kissing the woman, you stop, and start talking about something else. Later, you resume kissing her.
If you do this properly, she will be dripping wet when your clothes are off. I have noticed that if you help her orgasm clitorally at this point, it will only release some of the sexual tension, and does not help her to have vaginal orgasm. She may want to caress herself. Now is your time to show that you are in control. Lock her hands, and prevent her from touching you or herself.
Do not penetrate her yet. You can now use your penis to show her who is the boss. Just continue with the "two steps forward, one step back" technique. Use the penis to stimulate her clitoris, but refuse to penetrate her. Make her beg for it. When you finally think you have played enough, put your penis just barely inside her. Now you can start thrusting, coming out completely, but going in just barely.
This has an additional benefit. The vagina shrinks in order to accomodate different size penises. If you wait until you penetrate her, her vagina will be tighter, and you both will feel better, even if you are normal size. Anyway, you just keep continuing with the "two steps forward, one step back" method until she reaches the vaginal orgasm.
When you feel like advancing, you go only very slightly deeper, and then thrust there for a while. Sometimes you need to back up to more shallow level, and thrust there. You can think of it as a game, where your goal is to make her orgasm with your penis as little in her as possible. If you do this correctly, she will soon be probably begging you to go in deeper, and perhaps try to force her body closer to you. Do not give her what she wants if you want to make her orgasm vaginally.
Do not believe based on this post that giving her the orgasm is simple. Knowledge is only the first, small, but quite necessary step. You need to practice, practice, practice. You will probably not be able to bring her to orgasm on the first time you try this.
Remember, she will not reach orgasm because of the method, but by surrendering to you totally. It may be very difficult for her to learn how to do that, and she may also need some practice. She may even have emotional hangups that prevent her from enjoying the experience. You will see the benefits immediately, however. Her increased sexual pleasure will be noticeable whether she reaches the orgasm or not.
Happy fucking. Please leave a comment if this posting helped you.